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SNYDER OFFERS LEAGUE BUTTLOAD OF CASH FOR CHAMPIONSHIP
WASHINGTON, DC - The NFL's newest megalomaniac, Washington Redskin owner Daniel Snyder has informed the NFL that he wishes to buy outright the NFL championship for the 2000-2001 season for a buttload of cash. In a complicated deal Snyder has offered a package totaling over one hundred million dollars to the league and to the various teams in the league. (more)
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Are These Really Countries?
Micronesia? Cook Islands? Andorra? Who in the world let these "countries" in the Olympics. Honestly, Micronesia is so small that they gave themselves a minuscule name. I mean I don't know a damn thing about the country, but I sure know that it must be small. (more)
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LOCAL MAN WATCHING TOO MUCH DAMN GYMNASTICS
RENO, NV - Local resident Trace Bedford is watching too much of the damn Olympic gymnastics coverage, according to his friends, family, and co-workers. Never a big fan of gymnastics before, the sudden and constant exposure to men's and women's gymnastics has apparently sent Bedford over-the-edge. (more)
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JORDAN RETIRES FROM RETIREMENT
Former Chicago Bull Michael Jordan in a press conference this past week announced his retirement from retirement, assuring the press that this indeed would be his last announced retirement. Jordan then added "I have done more in the last few years of retirement than most men do in a lifetime." (more)
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HELTON CHALLENGES STORIED .379 MARK
DENVER, CO - Todd Helton of the Colorado Rockies and Nomar Garciaparra of the Boston Red Sox enter the final week of the MLB season flirting with one of baseball's most coveted milestones, batting .379 in a season. The treasured .379 mark has not been bettered in the Major Leagues since Tony Gwynn hit .394 in the strike-shortened 1994 season. (more)
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From Last Issue:
©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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