TUCSON, AZ - One of the final sentiments of recently deceased Orinn Farmer was that he "shouldn't have watched so much damn golf."
Farmer, diagnosed several months ago with terminal brain cancer was in bed talking with his granddaughter Marlene Carlson when, according to her, "he started discussing how much freaking time he had wasted in his life watching golf on TV."
An emotional Carlson tried to recreate her grandfather's words, "He said 'Dammit, there was so much I didn't do with my life, yet somehow or other managed to find time to sit on the damn couch and watch golf'. "
Farmer was an avid golf fan most of his life, playing when he could during the week and watching PGA tournament religiously every Saturday and Sunday. And with the advent of cable he started pissing away even more of his days away with even more meaningless first and second round coverage on such stations as ESPN and TBS. However, clearly on his deathbed, in retrospect, he discovered that his golf watching was an incredible waste of time.
According to Carlson he went on a somewhat incomprehensible rant about how one little white ball in the air looked like every other one. "He was especially angry that he would actually watch player walk up the fairway to their balls. And there was something about putting which I didn't even understand at all "
Farmer's wife of 53 years, Liddie, was surprised to learn of her husband's regret noting that "he only seemed happy when he was watching golf." Apparently, the pending mortality made Farmer realize in his mind that he had farted an amazing amount of his life away.
Right before he passed, Liddie Farmer noted that he was finally at peace when he realized that although he wasted so much time watching golf that at least he didn't magnify that error by watching baseball also.
Farmer is survived by his wife Liddie, two daughters and a son, nine grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.
©2000 Copyright David Oliver. All Rights Reserved.
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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