ORLANDO, FL - Tiger Woods proved his superiority over all of us again last weekend when he was victorious over a morally corrupt and weak field at the Bay Hill Invitational. Woods superior intellect and physical abilities allowed him to beat the field by four strokes over an inferior Davis Love III. Soon, it is hoped that Woods will benignly rule over us all, expanding his power and intelligence beyond his superior golfing skills an toward ruling us all for good and not evil.
Woods displayed his uncanny driving, chipping and putting skills over all four rounds, much to the delight of the already converted masses. Meanwhile, the other golfers, if they even still deserve that moniker, again were helpless with their weak swings and poor reads. Are these really the people to lead us into the next century?
Thankfully Tiger Woods arrival and domination of the PGA has paved the way for an even greater goal of world domination.
"Look it's Tiger's world and we just live in it and the sooner we all realize the sooner we will be in the promise of a utopian Tigerania," said Tiger convert, Mario "Tiger" Tusted .
Fred Couples was one of the more meek golfers, although he could be a little meeker, conceding that, 'Tiger is pretty much unbeatable at this point." Later, Couples was seen averting his gaze when Tiger happened by and then added, "I think he touched me!"
Tiger, upon accepting the trophy was quick to warn, "I am pleased to win, as is my destiny, and you will all bow before me or the streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers."
Those chilling, yet promising words, are sure to be re-iterated with even more force after Woods forges ahead with his plan to rule over us all with a victory this weekend at the Player's Championship at the TPC Sawgrass course in Ponte Verde Beach, Florida.
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
|
