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Stanley Tools to Sponsor NHL Championship Series
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NEW YORK, NY - NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced in a bewildering press conference yesterday that the NHL had sold all naming rights for it's championship playoffs to Stanley Tools for ten years. One of the oldest and most revered championships will now, or still, go by the name 'Stanley Cup' for what is a reported price of forty-five million dollars over the next ten years.
"We feel that this partnership is a perfect fit for both of us," said Bettman. The Commissioner gave this puzzling explanation for the agreement "We wanted to be careful to keep the tradidition and respect the Cup's heritage. On the other hand, the NHL is an asset and we felt we needed to exploit any possible revenue opportunities. That is why it was important to find just the right sponsor to satisfy both those needs."
It was apparently the wish to limit the commercializing effect that led to the somewhat odd decision to stick with 'Stanley Cup' and not 'Stanley Tools Cup' or 'Stanley Stanley Cup' as was suggested by some members of the confused press corps.
"We respect the history of the Cup and that is why we stuck with 'Stanley Cup'," said Stanley Tools Vice-President of Marketing Henry Darling. When asked if this was just throwing money away Darling demurred saying that, "We believe that when folks watch the Stanley Cup playoffs they will instantly think Stanley Tools. We are going for brand recognition here."
Not surprisingly, some hockey traditionalists were ambivalent about the announcement. "Hmm, seems like the NHL just is stealing money from some morons. Guess there is nothing wrong with that," noted revered Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry.
The almost never-ending, ahem, 'Stanley' Cup playoffs are set to begin April 12 with the top eight teams from each division qualifying. There are several teams currently in contention for some of the final playoff positions and the right to keep playing and playing and playing.
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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