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Did League Secretly Begin Its Season?
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BOISE, ID - Some questioning folks believe the Major League Soccer season for 2000 opened under a veil of extreme secrecy several weeks ago. Sketchy reports and accusations indicate that the league's opener was on March 18 with several games being played throughout the country. The league has allegedly played 10 games in complete obscurity.
The allegations come from a group calling themselves Advocates for Revealing Sporting Secrets or ARSS. The spokesperson of ARSS, John Smith was quoted as saying that, "The evidence is too much to deny. They have definitely been playing soccer games behind the backs of the American public."
The league offices would not confirm the start of the season but would not deny it only offering that, "If a major sports league started its season wouldn't you think people would know about it?"
Indeed, several critics of this agree that this must be true. They chalk up the alleged start of the season to your typical "black helicopter, kidney thieving conspiracy theorists," according to Professor of Cultural Studies Murray Abromowicz at Boise State University.
But others have little doubt about the cover-up, "There have been fairly randomly placed two-hour periods on ABC and ESPN where no one remembers seeing anything. ABC and ESPN also coincidentally are the network sponsors of Major League Soccer."
ARSS also points to the lack of newspaper coverage of the games as meaning the media is complicit in the cover-up.
"To keep a secret this big you need the cooperation of the media. And it isn't the first time it has happened," complained Smith. "For example, whatever happened to men's professional tennis? Vanished and yet no one seems to know or care why."
But Abromowicz noted that there is no way to placate the conspiracy theorists. "For them the lack of evidence in support of their case is simply more proof of a cover-up, even if it is really means that simply they are wrong."
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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