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Virgin Mary Seen in Iverson Sweat Stain
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DES MOINES, IA - Mellissa Morton declared today that she could swear she saw an image of the Virgin Mary in a sweat stain on the back of Philadelphia point guard Allen Iverson during Mondays playoff game against the Charlotte Hornets. Philadelphia won the game, 105-99, and the series 3-1.
"I wasn't even really watching the game, just flipping the channels, when I saw it," explained Morton. "I think it was a timeout and they were isolated on Iverson, I could see his name on the back. And there just to the right and below the number was the Virgin Mary, God have mercy."
"I immediately told my husband, Macus, but then the camera cut away. But I know it was there. Someone else, must have seen it."
Although at first there were no other witnesses, after it was initially revealed that Morton had seen the Holy Mother in Iverson's sweat, hundreds flocked to the CoreStates Center in Philadelphia claiming to have also seen it.
"Oh I saw it," declared David Olivet. "It was the Virgin Mary and she was weeping and holding the Baby Jesus."
Others have shown up simply hoping the apparition will appear again in the second round of the playoffs. Some have taken it as a sign that the Seventy-sixers will have a great run through the playoffs.
"Oh we got the holy spirit guiding us to the NBA Championship, I just know it. I believe! Lord, I believe!" cried out Eliza Yesterly amid a hail of "amens" and "hallelujahs".
Morton, although not a Philadelphia Seventy-sixers fan, agreed that it meant good things for the team. As for those who are dubious of her claim, she is not concerned.
"I know what I saw. And I should know because it is not the first time. I have seen Jesus on a moldy piece of bread, the Pope left by the condensation from a glass of Pepsi, and a potato that looked exactly like John the Baptist. I'm not crazy."
Neither the Sixers nor the church had any comment on the miraculous sighting. Nor could it be confirmed, as the jersey in question was washed immediately following the game.
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Other Stories From This Issue
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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