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Fans Complacent Over Home Run Balls Hit Into the Stands
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ST. LOUIS, MO - In what must be a disturbing sign for Major League baseball, a home run hit by Jim Edmonds into the right field stands got barely even a notice from the fans in the vicinity. A baseball entering the stands was once a possession so prized as to merit diving over seats, spilling beverages and other mob-like behavior to try and garner the prize. But the recent excess of home runs has apparently made fans complacent and apathetic toward a ball hit in their direction.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" asked the eventual recipient of the ball Stephan Lamorillo.
Lamorillo even tried to give it to some younger fans he thought might appreciate it. The offer, however, was painfully rejected.
"It's really sad. It used to be a special thing to get a home run ball. Now everyone seems to get one. There are so many damn home runs."
And Lamorillo wasn't the only one leaving displeased. "That ball almost hit me and my son. We can't go to a game without almost getting pelted with a home run ball. It's disgusting, someone is gonna get hurt," fumed Jesse Grady, who attended the game with his son Perry.
This year's home run pace is far in excess of any other year on record. A number of factors have been considered from expansion to new, smaller ballparks, from weak pitching to juiced-up baseballs.
The fan's recent distaste for him run balls may find a cure. Although unconfirmed, Major League Baseball may be running out of baseballs due to so many being deposited in the stands. To help solve this problem the long-standing tradition of letting fans keep balls may be discontinued, a once unthinkable prospect.
"We would never do that," commented Major League Baseball Director of Public Relations, Abner Deeday. "Just the thought of maybe getting a ball is one of the those things that make baseball a dear part of the National Pastime."
Lamorillo, for one, would have no problem with forcing fans to return not-so-prized baseballs. As he held out the home run ball he had been cursed to receive he exclaimed, "Sounds good to me, they can start with this one."
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Other Stories From This Issue
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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