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Jim Courier Resigns
Could Have Sworn He Already Had
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DADE CITY, FL - Two time French Open Champion Jim Courier announced recently that he was retiring….from tennis. This announcement came as somewhat of a shock as most people had thought the former-current tennis star had retired several years ago.
"Are you sure he wasn't promoting something or announcing he had cancer or something, because I am pretty sure he retired like two years ago," said one tennis fan.
Even seasoned tennis writers, such Bud Collins, were a bit taken aback, "I'll have to check my records, but I can't recall him being in any tournaments or showing up in my notes in any way."
When quizzed about the fact that everyone was sure he had already retired, a fairly annoyed Courier emphasized that he had not retired until this recent announcement. Courier stood by his story despite follow up queries of "Really?" and "If it wasn't you who retired then who are we thinking of?"
"Look, quit asking me, I haven't already retired, I just hadn't played well. I was playing like crap is that what you want to hear?" screamed an irate Courier when a reporter asked "Are you sure?"
Fellow tennis player Pete Sampras said he thinks he will miss playing against his fellow competitor, "Or maybe I already do or have. I'm a bit confused now. You said he just now retired? Wow, that is weird."
The height of Courier's career came in the early Nineties when he won back-to-back French Open Titles and back-to-back Australian Open titles. He has the distinction of being one of only a handful of players to make the finals in all four Grand Slam tournaments. But after 1993 his success started to wane until a few years ago when we he finally retired from the game, or so we thought. But despite everyone's best recollection Courier continued to play well past his non-retirement.
Courier will try his hand at broadcasting as he joins NBC for their Wimbledon coverage this year.
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Other Stories From This Issue
©2000 Copyright David Oliver
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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