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Indy 500 Found Dead, Apparent Suicide
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INDIANAPOLIS, IN - The Indianapolis 500 was found dead at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway this week from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the foot. The once renowned race had come on hard times recently after a series of poor career decisions. According to doctors the gunshot wound was probably several years old but oddly had taken this long to cause the death of the race.
The Indianapolis 500 was once a premiere sporting event, hanging out with other premier events like the Kentucky Derby, the Masters, and even the Super Bowl. But Indy drifted away, while those other events continued their prominence, Indy just went off on it's own. Indy moved away from the formula that had made it so successful, infuriated those closest to it and who been vital to its success.
It did not take long for the 500 to find itself off the peak and wallowing in public disinterest. The fans and TV just gave up on it.
"Memorial Day weekend with the Indianapolis 500, that was a yearly highlight," said race fan Bobby Delagado. "But then it screwed up, the best drivers stopped going and it just wasn't a big deal anymore. It was sad to see the race do that to itself. Really sad."
For many, the warning signs were clear, when the 500 started listening to Tony George and less to its history. And George gave Indy some bad advice.
None more so then when George recommended that Indianapolis 500 start playing favorites, undermining the race's integrity. The drivers who helped Indy to the top were suddenly given ultimatums and not surprisingly they balked.
Without the help of those who provided Indy with it's success, 500 found itself wallowing further and further away from the above-the-fold front page position it had grown accustomed to. The overwhelming depression set in soon after that.
And as the former friends of the Indianapolis 500, the Masters, the Super Bowl, et al saw their stars rise, it probably became too much for 500.
"One day Indy disappeared," said the Masters. "Naturally we were concerned, but there is only so much you can do when some race is intent on going down that self-destructive path. Indy called my one night, incomprehensible, but what could I do. It was too far gone by then."
The coroner's report would not confirm that the gunshot wound to the foot was self-inflicted, but given the self-inflicted hardship and travails that led the Indianapolis 500 down this road to destruction, it almost certainly was.
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©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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