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Baseball To Allow Crying
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NEW YORK, NY - The long standing admonition against crying in baseball may be set aside by the powers that be, according to officials within the offices of Major League Baseball. According to these sources. baseball players will be permitted to cry before, during and after games, as long as they don't make a scene.
Although long considered as not belonging in baseball, crying was never officially made illegal within the rules. But a long understood motto was that "there's no crying in baseball".
No longer, as baseball officials on advice of psychiatrists have made official policy that crying should be encouraged.
"Our psychiatrists have told us that holding in your emotions is unhealthy," said Verne LaCroix, Assistant Director of Player Development for Major League Baseball. "When a player is feeling distress the best response emotionally and physically may be to bawl you eyes out."
LaCroix added that players who miss the cutoff man or run through a stop sign are often so upset that they want to cry, but don't. "If they don't cry then they become emotionally barren over time. The consequences could be disastrous down the road, maybe long after they leave baseball."
LaCroix recommended that whenever a player feels the need to cry that he go ahead and "Let it all out", that "It's OK to cry" and "There, there, don't you feel better".
When asked if he thought a crying player might be ostracized by teammates LaCroix was quick to answer.
"Well maybe those players need to look in the mirror. A nice cry never hurt anyone and all that anger could be a result of them not being able to come to terms with their true emotions."
So should we expect more players to start bawling when they get hit by a pitch or give up a crucial home run?
According to LaCroix, "Yes, ideally there will be lots and lots of bawling players on the field at all times."
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©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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