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WNBA Seeks Rocker-like Coverage
Can the League Find a Jerk Before the Summer is Out?
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NEW YORK, NY - The Womens's National Basketball Association announced a task force to see if they can gain more exposure for their league by trying to highlight more jerks playing within their ranks. This comes on the heels of the extensive and over-zealous news reporting of John Rocker returning to New York City.
"The past few weeks the WNBA has struggled to get any exposure in the press whatsoever," noted League President Val Ackerman. "At the same time we noticed extensive media coverage of John Rocker and his return to New York. In light of these facts we decided to see if the WNBA could improve it's image by increasing the amount of jerkiness amongst our players."
The committee will investigate whether getting some of their players to act more like jerks will increase the leagues visibility. The committee will also recommend which players should be targeted as jerks and what actions should be taken.
"We will definitely use some old fashioned methods of increasing our jerk profile, such as inflammatory interviews, breaking the law, and contract holdouts. But we are also going to look into other ways that our players can be jerks that are specific to the WNBA and it's role as the pre-eminent Women's professional sports league in the world."
The league is apparently well into it's second month of play, but has been relegated to the back pages by the never-ending John Rocker controversy. John Rocker, a pitcher for the Atlanta Braves, made disparaging comments about New York City and it's diverse population, raising the ire of the entire city. His return to the city this past weekend was a cause celebre with media.
The WNBA, which has struggled recently, is desperate for attention from the media and will not rule out anything at this point.
"We think that the women in our league can be just as big a jerks as in the major professional leagues," said Ackerman. Ackerman added that it is hoped that the WNBA can raise their jerk profile before the end of the summer, but that they will not rush into making a decision
Meanwhile, Major League Soccer in a press release said only that they are considering their options at this point but are not yet decided on whether adding jerks to their league is a necessary step.
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©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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