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Mass Hysteria Overtakes Track and Field Trials
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SACRAMENTO, CA - Thousands attending the ten-day USA Track & Field Qualifying event in Sacramento claim they are actually enjoying and interested in the mostly running, jumping and throwing. Experts now openly wonder if this is not a case of mass hysteria.
"We don't know what you are talking about," said a defensive USAT∓F President Patricia Rico when asked to explain all the apparent enthusiasm for the running, jumping and throwing.
However, one need not go too far to find the disturbing evidence.
"I love this," enthused Bev Kringle. "I especially like the running really, really fast and the running really fast. The running and then jumping is also pretty interesting."
The excitement for many of the events is hard to explain. After all it is just running, jumping and throwing. The people have even built up a whole storylines and mythologies to try and create interest in the underlying events.
"It's not just running, but there is competition between two runners who we want to see race against one another," said Kringle. She then went on to describe two individuals, one named Johnson and the other named Greene. She wove a story of competing egos and missed opportunities and name-calling.
After describing all this she finished by saying, "and then they are going to meet in the 200 meters to see who can run faster." From her voice one could tell that she truly believed that the running was a compelling denouement to the whole thing.
Experts are concerned. Michael Kimitsu of California-Davis, "We are worried that this is a large scale case of mass dementia. You know how in Field of Dreams only certain people could see the baseball field. Well imagine that, only if there was no field and the folks were just crazy. That is what we believe is happening here."
Many are convinced the excitement is real, pointing out to the wide interest in the running, jumping and throwing in Europe. But experts warn that a classic case of craziness is pointing to Europe for support.
"It's a classic symptom, usually seen with soccer fans."
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©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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