|
INTERPOL Uncovers International Golf Conspiracy
|
LYON, FRANCE - The International Criminal Police Organization, or Interpol, announced this week that they have uncovered a plan to spread terror throughout the golf world by kidnapping the top players in international golf. According to officials the conspiracy includes terrorist golfers from England, New Zealand, Australia, Spain, Scotland, Ireland, France, Sweden, South Africa, Fiji and even the United States.
"Our first reports of this plot came from US intelligence agents. They had forwarded to us reports of an international cadre of radical terrorists who had met on the Monterrey Peninsula to discuss plans to kidnap the top golfer in the world, Tiger Woods."
According to the report released a South African with the code name EE originally conceived the plot. He met several weeks ago on a Monday with others, using partial or code names to protect their identities, called Dave, Monty, VJ, and Mr. Price. Although motive is not clear the report stated that there appeared to be dissatisfaction with the status quo.
"It's a standard modus operandi of these types. They have no clear political goal, but are simply convinced that the way things are cannot go on. They feel change is needed and it is usually needed in a dramatic fashion."
Nothing came from those initial meetings, but the investigation regained focus when the group of men gathered again in St. Andrews in Scotland. This time they had recruited several new members to their plan, a Serge, Jesp, and DC. It was at this meeting that tangible plans were laid out to kidnap Mr. Woods.
The first hint of a conspiracy was uncovered when an ABC cameraman overheard EE proclaiming, "If I come in second one more time I swear I am going to kidnap Tiger Woods, tie a rock to his waist and throw him in the Marianas Trench."
Using this information Interpol, in cooperation with US and British law enforcement, using sophisticated surveillance techniques, were able to discern the plot.
"Luckily for us this was a very shoddy operations by a bunch of amateurs."
Tiger Woods had no comment, but Ernie Els, another highly visible member of the professional golfing community, expressed his relief, "Yeah, great, that's wonderful, I couldn't be happier. Thank God Tiger Woods is still around to play. Who knows, maybe he can now win the PGA Championship? Brilliant."
|
Other Stories From This Issue:
©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
|
|
|
