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Guarded Royals Announce Mystery First Baseman Signing
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KANSAS CITY, MO - Kansas City General Manager Allard Baird in a press conference this past week announced the signing of a new first baseman for the club, but refused to give the assembled press corps any relevant information. Baird even refused to divulge the name of the player during the press conference that was at times surreal, frustrating and confrontational.
When asked who was the new first baseman Baird would only respond "Correct." Reporters attempted follow-up questions revealed little from the secretive Baird.
One particular exchange was illuminating as one reporter asked what the name of the man on first base was. Baird rather coyly responded with "Who?" The reporter reiterated he was referring to the first baseman but Baird simply asked again "Who?"
The reporter asked several times in various forms to get the name, only to each time have Baird turn the question around by asking the reporter "Who?"
As if playing a child's game Baird finally asked the exasperated press corps "Who is playing first base?" The fed-up press corps re-iterated their desire to know who was playing first base.
And in another strange announcement Baird told the gathered press that the Royals were on the verge of signing a new third baseman. However, when asked who was the first baseman Baird inexplicably returned to the confusing issue of first base.
Baird was pressed for the name of third baseman but denied any knowledge with a simple "I don't know."
And to add to the confusion, Baird alluded to a new second baseman after an exchange in which the reporter asked Baird for the name of the third baseman. When Baird replied he did not know the name of the third baseman, the disbelieving reporter expressed his skepticism only to have Baird say "second base".
No other information has been released by the Royals since the press conference leaving the public wondering who is playing first, what is happening at second, and no one seeming to know the name of the player at third.
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©2000 Copyright David Oliver, All Rights Reserved
DISCLAIMER: These stories are not true. No really. It's all just a joke, you know for fun.
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